Narcissistic Mothers
Do you have a "complicated" relationship with your mom?
Is your relationship with your mom a source of pain or conflict in your life? You may reach out to her for support, only to come away from the conversation feeling worse than when you started. If you're constantly feeling guilty or feeling like you're never good enough, your mom may be narcissistic. If you've been told you "shouldn't" feel the way you feel, or that you're "too sensitive" when you're hurting, your mom may be narcissistic. If you believe all your problems with your mom are your own fault... you guessed it - your mom may be narcissistic.
Narcissistic mothers take many forms. They can be grandiose and flamboyant or passive and introverted. Some narcissistic mothers have larger than life personalities and are beloved and admired by the community. Others seem to be self-deprecating and quiet, not commanding the spotlight. Your mom doesn't need a formal diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder to cause significant damage to your self-esteem and relationships.
Here are some signs your mom is narcissitic:
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She lacks empathy for your feelings
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She tells you that you are "too sensitive" or "too dramatic" when you are hurting
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She finds a way to make your struggles about her
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Her emotions/struggles/problems are always bigger and more important than yours
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She switches between being overly involved and dismissive
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She doesn't have your back or sides with others against you
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She competes with you
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She is judgmental
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You have questioned whether she likes or loves you
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Her support is conditional - she supports things that reflect positively on her and ignores or puts you down for things she doesn't approve of
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She uses shame and guilt to manipulate you
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She denies her own feelings
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She is more concerned about what others think or about how things look to others than about how you are feeling
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She is controlling
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She denies your feelings and tries to get you to do the same
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She acts like a victim
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She refuses to apologize or accept responsibility when she hurts you
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She is a grudge holder
How I can help
The WIEBGE acronym stands for Will I Ever Be Good Enough? and signifies certification in Dr. Karyl McBride’s five-step recovery model for treating adult children of narcissistic parents. During this training, I learned how to help daughters heal from maternal narcissism. Together we will work to identify whether or not your mom has narcissistic traits, and if so, we can explore how those traits might have affected you as a child... and how they might be affecting you now. Through this process, you will begin to discover your true self - apart from your mom - and learn how to safely navigate your relationship with her going forward.
